even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
