Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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