Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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