you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
