I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
