I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
