I faked an abortion last night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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