Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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