she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
