Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
