If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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