I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
