11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
