she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
