Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
