I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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