just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
