The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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