It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
