my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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