i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
