he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
