not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
