Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
