So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
