with your own penis?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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