I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
