You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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