That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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