you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
