Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
