in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
