distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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