if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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