Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
