Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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