Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
