Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
