so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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