I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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