youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
