this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
