i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
