You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
