How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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