You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
