mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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