My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
