i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
