wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
