Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
