someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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