My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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