I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
