what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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