i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
