if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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