Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
