bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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