I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
