I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
