It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
