Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
