I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
