Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
